Who let the dogs out??

You have no idea how exhausting it can be putting on tight purple sweat pants! Pensacola, Florida I call a new rule at Wal-mart: If the hole in your jeans is big enough for me to slip my hand inside and sneak a little squeeze, then by golly you best be on guard! The squeezer, however, retains the right to either squeeze or not to squeeze! Sarasota, Florida

Unfortunately, the only strap working on this entire outfit is the one holding that hideous hair in place.
Is that former Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker’s wife or is that Paul Volcker?
Los Angeles, California

Don’t laugh! Its okay, because Bambi’s granddaughter borrowed her skirt.
Plus, today is combination Casual Friday and Crazy Hair Day, all rolled in to one.
College Station, Texas

?Apparently, Lester Flem doesn’t know whether he’s homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, or asexual.
However, if you look up the word ‘Transgender’ in the dictionary…BINGO!
There you will see a picture of dear old flaming Lester in his boots.
Laguna Niguel, California

Where exactly does one buy a short pink outfit like this to beef shop in?
Birmingham, Alabama

So, this is either a cross-dressing nautical Popeye enthusiast OR … well, fill in anything.
It really doesn’t matter, because nothing we say will make any sense.
Who lets these people out of the house un-championed?
Destin, Florida

Those purple shorts are HOT! I saw those same shorts one time on an elephant in a circus in Belarus .
The house shoes make the outfit!
Columbus, Ohio

Whatever happened to No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service?
Is that a turban on his head or a serving of Jiffy-Pop?
Is the girl in the background taking a picture or teaching the guy in the black wife beater T-shirt to play,
“Here is the church and here is the steeple.
Open it up and here are the people!”
Is the chick in the green bikini top putting on makeup?
Honey, you should have saved your money and purchased either a T-shirt or a case of Slim Fast.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Agerton? Is that you? What do you expect me to say?
That’s exactly what he looks like from the rear.
True, I’ve never seen Agerton in heels.
Still, if I told you there is a picture where purple hair is the least weird thing going on, would you have believed me?
Honestly, is that a man or a woman or is Lester Flem back in the store?
Mobile , Alabama

Britney Spears has done let herself go again.
Slidell, Louisiana

Dear Mrs. Razzlebone-Karbofski, it was cute to dress your boys Festus and Cletus alike when they were two years old, but at 45?
Well, not so much! … Suddenly, Festus says, “Hey, Cletus, I been thankin.
If my truck could travel faster than the speed of light, would my headlights work?”
Tifton, Georgia

I am so embarrassed.
Seriously, I have no idea how this photo of my son’s 5th Grade history teacher and part-time Gun Care Instructor,
Miss Cinnamon Goodpicker, got mixed in with this roll of film.
Katy, Texas

Packing this rear in camouflage shorts is like trying to hide an elephant behind a squirrel.
Seattle, Washington

For some reason, I have to assume that no matter where Zebulon goes,
Dueling Banjos suddenly starts playing from out of nowhere.
Atmore, Alabama

And men claim they can’t meet classy women in stores? Go figure!
Louisville, Kentucky

Is that a THONG Ollie Hopnoddle is wearing?
I can’t look again or I’ll go blind.
Mountain Brook, Alabama

For my own sanity, I have to assume that Gussie Klothgrunt is shoplifting two pork roasts in her shirt.
Simply because there is no possible way that can be anything other that two pork roasts in her shirt. Can’t be!
Forestdale, Alabama

No way, Laquanda, absolutely not!
That outfit does not at all make you look like a Hooker.
Midlothian, Virginia

Aw yes, don’t you just love the holiday season in Easley!
I hope Abe is buying some new shirts. Is it really necessary to say ANYTHING ELSE?
Easley, South Carolina

At first glance, did it appear to anyone else that Gisella’s dog is coming out her butt?
Orem, Utah

It’s like a big pink garbage bag filled with creamed corn and door knobs.
Houston, Texas

Mesmerized here at the Wal-martHiringCenter , Pinetop thinks this is his lucky day because his mechanic called an hour ago and said,
“I couldn’t fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” Besides, all his redneck buddies told him he was a lock to get this job at Wal-mart, provided he can remember not to smoke weed or drink beer during the job interview.
Austin, Texas

This is perfectly understandable.
Elena Kagan was just on her way to the Country Club when she remembered she need some coffee and a couple of yoga videos.
Besides, she thought to herself, I’ll just throw on these gray shorts and I’ll be smokin.
Nashville, Tennessee

Don’t worry, I’ve already forwarded this picture to Burberry Worldwide in London .
I thought it would be beneficial for them to be reminded of why they got into the fashion and design industry in the first place.
I’m sure Burberry will be ecstatic over seeing their vision spring to life.
Exciting, too, is how Lulu’s slippers simply make those shorts POP!!
Did anyone notice her boyfriend is wearing an Auburn T-shirt?Don’t look at me!
I didn’t take the picture or tell Tater to go to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night with his flashy runway model girlfriend.
Opelika, Alabama

Is that a baby dangling from Raylene’s waist like a fanny pack?
I don’t believe I’ve ever seen anything like that before.
The only thing wrong with the gene pool around the Ozarks is there’s no lifeguard.
Fort Smith, Arkansas

I love talking with Freidagurtz Finkelstein, because she always seems so surprised and interested in what I have to say.
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Holy Golden Illusions of Grandeur, I gotta get me that outfit!!!!
Alpharetta, Georgia

Toss in some cat food and Cooter is the loneliest guy in town!
Fort Payne, Alabama

Someone else can try to figure out what she’s doing, because I have to go wash my eyes out with bleach.
Oxford, Mississippi

Either that lady has a tail or Barney is stuck where the sun doesn’t shine.
Loves Park, Illinois

I’m not sure what kinky Bathsheba Squeal plans to do with that pie filling,
but there is just something about her that tells me she doesn’t bake,
she doesn’t watch Rachael Ray and she has no intention of using that pie filling in the kitchen.
La Verne, California

I have infinite admiration for the sheer strength of good quality denim.
Moreover, I will be eternally thankful if Honeysuckle’s jeans wait until she reaches the truck to explode.
Seriously, they should consider using denim on the next NASA space shuttle.
Spring, Texas

For those times when you need fried okra and chicken strips so bad, that you just can’t wait for the bleach to set..
Montgomery, Alabama

Is it even legal to sell that shade of pink?
I love the way Ms. Incense Berkowitz colour coordinated her reusable shopping bag to match her shoes, purse, leggings, shirt, jacket, earrings and necklace If a bra had been necessary, do you think for one second it would have been any color other than SHRIEKING PINK??
Glendale, California

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